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Captain RusBrook and the Adventures aboard Washedtopia

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Here is a fan fiction/satire on Washington Wizards guard Russell Westbrook and how he is faring ... if he were a ship captain instead of a point guard. All aboard!

The following is a satire/fan fiction on Washington Wizards Russell Westbrook. He’s a ship captain who does it all for his crew. AAAARGH!

Hope you enjoy!


(The greatest talents at scoring broadsides, assisting in the scoring of broadsides, and defending against the broadsides from others, engage in an annual competition to win the coveted Larry O’Brien treasure. These brave stewards must, with their mates, do battle against fellow armadas that form the National Boating Association (“NBA”). Navigating rough waters, long klicks of nautical miles, and nights of back-to-back barrages, the ships aim to compile wins while avoiding losses. As if the physical toll from battle wasn’t enough, the NBA talents/fleets attempt to also please us, the NBA spectators, and avoid the acrid harangues flung from the lips of the Narrative Czar, Sir. S.A.S.)

On the shores of D.C., the Washedtopia was in the doldrums. Though not fully scuttled, the ship had started to dip. Despite having onboard the mate who led the NBA in scoring broadsides, PandaBeal, Washedtopia found itself sinking in the NBA standings, at danger of being keeled over. And PandaBeal was on the mend, having suffered an injury from the battle of Lake St. Clair against the Detroit Tanker. How would Washedtopia account for the missing broadsides in its upcoming battle for Pacer Bay, viewers asked. Another loss in battle was expected. But no one gave this memo to Washedtopia’s Captain, the dogged RusBrook.

Captain RusBrook’s guidance at the helm has been questioned. Although suffering an injury, RusBrook initially failed to contribute enough broadsides to capture victories for Washedtopia. And rising above the din of the waves were whispers that his time at helming a ship had run its course. But with his competitiveness full to the gunwales for the Battle of Pacer Bay, the Indiana was about to learn a tough lesson. Because in the offing, RusBrook was going to deliver history.

Jibing though the waters, RusBrook delivered 35 landed broadsides, 21 assisted broadsides, and collected 14 missed Indiana broadsides before they could rebound against Washedtopia’s hull.

The news of Captain RusBrook’s logbook from the Battle of Pacer Bay spread throughout the waters. For every port was discussing his latest, history making exploits. And onboard the Washedtopia, his mates regaled their leader with a song:

Between the devil and the deep blue sea, Captain RusBrook will forever lead we
Pacers Bay should have stayed away, now a triple beam loss ruffles the Indiana’s sway
Doubted in and doubted out, our belief in postseason battles remains stout
So send us your best because we have no doubt, we shall be winning the bout.

Captain”, Cadet S. Brooks interrupted the revelry, “Sir Narrative S.A.S. is addressing the masses at high noon. My source inside their gunner said his comments will focus on you!” And so it was.

“Dear NBA and its followers, I, Sir. S.A.S, has this to say about Captain RusBrook of Washedtopia: I am not impressed. He has zero treasure. This NBA life is a quest for treasure. Until he gets the coveted treasure, he is not a champion.”

“Captain”, interrupted S. Brooks once more, “we just received an emergency correspondence over morse code from our owner.”