Ranking the 2019-20 Wizards based on anagrams of their names

Barring any surprise trades or training camp narratives, the Washington Wizards’ 2019-20 roster is essentially set. If you’ve read Bullets Forever for a long time, you know I like to run anagrams of the players’ names to see what interesting phrases come about. So let’s rearrange the letters of each player and see what comes from it!

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Rui Hachimura - AIR HAM...uh...uric

Slim pickings here, but focusing on AIR HAM has potential.

Isaiah Thomas - “Ah! Aha! Mitosis!”

This is what molecular biologists say all day to each other.

John Wall - Jar held downhill

It’s basically the opposite of the whole Jack and Jill saga.

Jemerrio Jones - Jerome rejoins

Happy to see Jerome back in the fold.

C.J. Miles - C.J.’s Mile

Ishmael Smith - Mishmash Tile

How I would describe my bathroom floor in two words or less.

Mo Wagner - Game Worn

It’s fitting, because if you see a Mo Wagner jersey out in public, odds are it’s a game worn.

Ian Mahinmi - Him in mania

Sounds like dialogue Mark Twain would write.

“He in good spirits?”

“Naw, I do declare him in mania.”

Troy Brown - “Try now, bro.”

What I usually say after rebooting someone’s computer to see if that fixed their problem.

Admiral Schofield - Hid cold slime afar

This is the plot of the first Power Rangers movie. Look it up.

Justin Robinson - Robin’s Joust Inn

3.4 stars on TripAdvisor. Several users complain of an unusual odor on the third floor.

Bradley Beal - A Bread Belly

Want a bread belly? Get into blogging.

Davis Bertans - Bad Rave Snits

Careful, Ezekiel Elliott got in trouble for bad rave snits.

Jordan McRae - Major Dancer

Speaks for itself.

Isaac Bonga - Bacon Saga I

It’s best if you read the I like it’s a Roman numeral and then imagine what happens in Bacon Saga II, Bacon Saga III, and so on.

Garrison Mathews - Airshow Garments

Garrison doesn’t wear a basketball uniform. He wears airshow garments.

BONUS: ‘Harrowing Steams’ - It’s an Albany expression.

Thomas Bryant - Shorty Batman

Still the best.