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Ranking the 2019-20 Wizards based on anagrams of their names

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Check out the interesting names and sentences after we ran the Wizards’ names through an anagram machine!

2019 NBA Rookie Photo Shoot Photo by Sean Berry/NBAE via Getty Images

Barring any surprise trades or training camp narratives, the Washington Wizards’ 2019-20 roster is essentially set. If you’ve read Bullets Forever for a long time, you know I like to run anagrams of the players’ names to see what interesting phrases come about. So let’s rearrange the letters of each player and see what comes from it!


Rui Hachimura - AIR HAM...uh...uric

Slim pickings here, but focusing on AIR HAM has potential.

Isaiah Thomas - “Ah! Aha! Mitosis!”

This is what molecular biologists say all day to each other.

John Wall - Jar held downhill

It’s basically the opposite of the whole Jack and Jill saga.

Jemerrio Jones - Jerome rejoins

Happy to see Jerome back in the fold.

C.J. Miles - C.J.’s Mile

Ishmael Smith - Mishmash Tile

How I would describe my bathroom floor in two words or less.

Mo Wagner - Game Worn

It’s fitting, because if you see a Mo Wagner jersey out in public, odds are it’s a game worn.

Ian Mahinmi - Him in mania

Sounds like dialogue Mark Twain would write.

“He in good spirits?”

“Naw, I do declare him in mania.”

Troy Brown - “Try now, bro.”

What I usually say after rebooting someone’s computer to see if that fixed their problem.

Admiral Schofield - Hid cold slime afar

This is the plot of the first Power Rangers movie. Look it up.

Justin Robinson - Robin’s Joust Inn

3.4 stars on TripAdvisor. Several users complain of an unusual odor on the third floor.

Bradley Beal - A Bread Belly

Want a bread belly? Get into blogging.

Davis Bertans - Bad Rave Snits

Careful, Ezekiel Elliott got in trouble for bad rave snits.

Jordan McRae - Major Dancer

Speaks for itself.

Isaac Bonga - Bacon Saga I

It’s best if you read the I like it’s a Roman numeral and then imagine what happens in Bacon Saga II, Bacon Saga III, and so on.

Garrison Mathews - Airshow Garments

Garrison doesn’t wear a basketball uniform. He wears airshow garments.

BONUS: ‘Harrowing Steams’ - It’s an Albany expression.

Thomas Bryant - Shorty Batman

Still the best.