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Ranking the Wizards based on anagrams of their names

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Miami Heat v Washington Wizards Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images

The Wizards are a mystery. There are so many questions about this team heading into this season that it’s hard to know what to expect. To try and decipher what’s going on, I rearranged the letters for each player on the roster, and as it turns out, the answers have been scrambled right in front of us the whole time.


Jeff Green - Genre Jeff

There isn’t a lot to work with here.

John Hildred Wall - How Jan Held Drill

Hopefully you have an image in your head of Jan Vesely trying to coach his team through a dribbling drill.

Ian Mahinmi - “In a mini ham.”

The answer to the question, “Where can I get the best bang for my buck at sandwich shop?”

Troy Brown - Byron Wort

Byron Wort was definitely the name of a constable in the 1700’s.

Jodie Meeks - Joke demise

Nothing kills a punchline like remembering Jodie Meeks is serving a 25-game suspension for performance-enhancing drugs.

Austin Rivers - Austin’s River

Markieff Morris - Raff Irk’s Memoir

I have no idea who Raff Irk is, but I would absolutely read his memoir.

Otto Porter - Otter Troop

Otter Troop is what you go to after you get all your Webelos badges, but before you get to be an Eagle Scout.

Bradley Beal - Belle by Arda

An exclusive new clothing line coming this month to Sears.

Kelly Oubre Jr. - Lurker by Joel

The first fragrance made exclusively for people who read websites but don’t comment a lot.

Dwight Howard - Who? Third Gawd.

More commonly known as the Holy Spirit.

Tomas Satoransky - Smoky Satan Roast

More commonly known as the McRib.

Devin Robinson - Divine Bronson

Action Bronson’s lesser-known sister. She has a series on YouTube but it has nothing to do with food or music. She’s trying to establish her own unique brand.

Jordan McRae - Dancer Major

His parents told him it would be hard to get a job after college with that kind of degree, but he refused to let go of his dream and now he’s an America’s Got Talent champion.

Jason Smith - Hot sin jams

That’s what they called Elvis’ music when he first started.

Thomas Bryant - Shorty Batman

More commonly known as Robin.