The Wizards are a mystery. There are so many questions about this team heading into this season that it’s hard to know what to expect. To try and decipher what’s going on, I rearranged the letters for each player on the roster, and as it turns out, the answers have been scrambled right in front of us the whole time.
Jeff Green - Genre Jeff
There isn’t a lot to work with here.
John Hildred Wall - How Jan Held Drill
Hopefully you have an image in your head of Jan Vesely trying to coach his team through a dribbling drill.
Ian Mahinmi - “In a mini ham.”
The answer to the question, “Where can I get the best bang for my buck at sandwich shop?”
Troy Brown - Byron Wort
Byron Wort was definitely the name of a constable in the 1700’s.
Jodie Meeks - Joke demise
Nothing kills a punchline like remembering Jodie Meeks is serving a 25-game suspension for performance-enhancing drugs.
Austin Rivers - Austin’s River
Markieff Morris - Raff Irk’s Memoir
I have no idea who Raff Irk is, but I would absolutely read his memoir.
Otto Porter - Otter Troop
Otter Troop is what you go to after you get all your Webelos badges, but before you get to be an Eagle Scout.
Bradley Beal - Belle by Arda
An exclusive new clothing line coming this month to Sears.
Kelly Oubre Jr. - Lurker by Joel
The first fragrance made exclusively for people who read websites but don’t comment a lot.
Dwight Howard - Who? Third Gawd.
More commonly known as the Holy Spirit.
Tomas Satoransky - Smoky Satan Roast
More commonly known as the McRib.
Devin Robinson - Divine Bronson
Action Bronson’s lesser-known sister. She has a series on YouTube but it has nothing to do with food or music. She’s trying to establish her own unique brand.
Jordan McRae - Dancer Major
His parents told him it would be hard to get a job after college with that kind of degree, but he refused to let go of his dream and now he’s an America’s Got Talent champion.
Jason Smith - Hot sin jams
That’s what they called Elvis’ music when he first started.
Thomas Bryant - Shorty Batman
More commonly known as Robin.