Translating Kevin Durant's confidential free agency comments with Kendrick Perkins

If you thought the Kevin Durant free agency hype would cool down now that the playoffs are around the corner, well, you just don't know how hype works, do you?

Kevin Durant's former teammate, Kendrick Perkins, was asked by the Boston media about Durant's plans for this summer, and he revealed something rather interesting, as Chris Forsberg of ESPN noted (HT: Keely Diven at CSN Mid-Atlantic):

Told that the Celtics likely will pursue Durant, Perkins replied, "Boston and everybody else, right?" Later he added, "As a friend, I try not to talk to him too much about free agency. I always try to just want to talk to him about things outside of basketball. We talk about personal life and stuff like that. And I know he’s getting this question every day on the hour and stuff like that, so I try not to bother him.

"But he did shoot some teams out there that he made me sign a confidentiality form that I couldn’t tell nobody. He’s got a few teams that he will be looking at."

This begs the obvious question: What on earth did Kevin Durant say that he was so worried about getting out that he asked his friend to sign a confidentiality form?

Thankfully the #KD2DC Translator -- which has previously decoded Kevin Durant quotes, tweets, and Instagram messages -- can also decrypt confidential legal documents to uncover the truth about his comments to Perkins. It's basically Wikileaks for the Hoops Illuminati at this point.

Here is the confidentiality agreement in full, with the text below:

Confidentiality Agreement

It is understood and agreed to that the below identified discloser of confidential information may provide certain information that is and must be kept confidential. To ensure the protection of such information, and to preserve any confidentiality necessary under the NBA's anti-tampering rules, it is agreed that

1. The Recipient agrees not to disclose the confidential information that Kevin Durant will join the Wizards unless required to do so by law, and even in that case, they should try to drag it out in court before they say anything.

2. This Agreement states the entire agreement between the parties concerning the disclosure of Durant's plans to Make The Wizards Great Again™ and ensure Kendrick Perkins is able to sign a deal to play with Durant. Any addition or modification to this Agreement (KD and Boogie to DC???) must be made in writing and signed by the parties.

3. If any of the provisions of this Agreement are found to be unenforceable (you know, weird salary cap stuff), the remainder shall be enforced as fully as possible and the unenforceable provision(s) shall be deemed modified (Assistant Coach Kendrick Perkins) to the limited extent required to permit enforcement of the Agreement as a whole.

4. Fam, it's gonna be lit.

WHEREFORE, the parties acknowledge that they have read and understand this Agreement and voluntarily accept the duties and obligations set forth herein.

Recipient of Confidential Information:

Name (Print or Type): Kendrick Perkins, future backup center for the Washington Wizards

Date: March 12, 2014

Discloser of Confidential Information:

Name (Print or Type): Kevin Durant, future Washington Wizard

Date: March 12, 2014

Disclaimer: Just so we're clear here, this document doesn't actually exist.

To clarify, being told by league sources there is no on-paper confidentiality agreement b/w Perk and Durant.

— Zach Lowe (@ZachLowe_NBA) April 7, 2016