Thanks to the magic of the KD2DC translator, we were able to uncover what they were really saying during their heated conversation.
Durant: Hey man, it's not my fault you're stuck in Sacramento. You can't just latch on to my jersey and expect to get a ride to Washington.
Cousins: PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING. I'LL EVEN SLEEP AT THAT CREEPY HOTEL WITH THE BEDBUGS.
Durant: No DeMarcus. You have to honor your contract, or demand a trade. You can't just run away. The NBA won't let you do that.
Cousins: VLADE SAID IF RONDO DOESN'T COME BACK THAT I HAVE TO PLAY POINT GUARD NEXT SEASON. TELL THE WIZARDS I'LL DO ANYTHING. ANYTHING.
Durant: Like I said before, the Morris trade complicates things. The Wizards' can't afford you and me this summer. You have to orchestrate some kind of a trade to make it all work. Do you think you can convince Vlade that Marcin Gortat is an upgrade?
Cousins: WHAT IF I MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I'M GONNA PUNCH STEVEN ADAMS? WOULD THAT HELP SPEED THINGS ALONG?
Durant: I really don't see how that would help anything.
Cousins: I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES.
Cousins: NEXT YEAR IS GONNA BE FUN!