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Translating Kevin Durant and DeMarcus Cousins' shoving match through the lens of KD2DC

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Things got a little bit heated during Monday's Kings-Thunder game. Kevin Durant and DeMarcus Cousins traded some shoves early in the game before cooler heads prevailed.

Thanks to the magic of the KD2DC translator, we were able to uncover what they were really saying during their heated conversation.

Durant: Hey man, it's not my fault you're stuck in Sacramento. You can't just latch on to my jersey and expect to get a ride to Washington.

Cousins: PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING. I'LL EVEN SLEEP AT THAT CREEPY HOTEL WITH THE BEDBUGS.

Durant: No DeMarcus. You have to honor your contract, or demand a trade. You can't just run away. The NBA won't let you do that.

Cousins: VLADE SAID IF RONDO DOESN'T COME BACK THAT I HAVE TO PLAY POINT GUARD NEXT SEASON. TELL THE WIZARDS I'LL DO ANYTHING. ANYTHING.

Durant: Like I said before, the Morris trade complicates things. The Wizards' can't afford you and me this summer. You have to orchestrate some kind of a trade to make it all work. Do you think you can convince Vlade that Marcin Gortat is an upgrade?

Cousins: WHAT IF I MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I'M GONNA PUNCH STEVEN ADAMS? WOULD THAT HELP SPEED THINGS ALONG?

Durant: I really don't see how that would help anything.

Cousins: I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES.

Durant: *facepalms*

Cousins: NEXT YEAR IS GONNA BE FUN!