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This Halloween, incorporate the Wizards into your costume design

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Jake’s Takes is weekly feature where Jake offers his takes on what’s going on with the Wizards and the rest of the world. Some of the takes are serious, some are ... not so much.

NBA: Preseason-Washington Wizards at Philadelphia 76ers Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Folks, call me old-fashioned, but if you’re like me you’re starting to wonder why we still have Halloween. Back in my day, kids worked hard to put together the best costumes while their parents just tried to get through the holiday without gaining five pounds in sugar weight. Nowadays, it’s parents trying to outdo each other with trendy threads while kids roam the streets in their normal clothes looking for some gluten-free snacks. What’s the point?

Still, sometimes you get roped into a Halloween party and you have to figure out a way to play along with the gimmick. I say if you have to play along, you might as well go as something scary and obscure. And if you want something scary and obscure, nothing beats a Wizards-themed Halloween costume. Here are a few ideas you can use, free of charge:

Wes Undead - Find a throwback Wes Unseld jersey, an afro, and all the zombie makeup you can find. Most people aren’t used to seeing a zombie with an afro and an appetite for rebounds.

Marcin THORtat - You can go with a standard Thor costume, but the catch is you have to use your hammer on Twitter trolls like Marcin Gortat.

Jason (Smith) Voorhees - You definitely need a chainsaw and a hockey mask for this outfit to work. If you have a Jason Smith jersey, that’s great, but since you probably don’t you can just use stilts and explain to people you’re pretending to an NBA version of Jason Voorhees. It’s a bit of an elaborate setup, but it’s worth it’ll be worth it for the six people at your party who get it.

Sexy Kelly Oubre - Just dress like Kelly Oubre.

Otto Hodor - Wear a brown cloak and hold a sign saying that you put on a lot of muscle over the summer, and that they just can’t see it under your loose-fitting cloak.

Granted, you may not win a costume contest with any of these ideas, but you aren’t going to win it with a John Wall jersey and a Harry Potter wand either. Take a risk, folks.

Eight more takes you can take to the bank

  • In the Wizards’ first two games, Washington has allowed veterans like Dwight Howard, Zach Randolph, and Vince Carter to have big games. Folks, if all I wanted to do was watch old people do their job well, I’d prefer to watch an episode of NCIS.
  • Folks, say what you want about Marcus Thornton but he’s the only guy in Washington who knows how to score three points in overtime.
  • Choose your role models wisely.
  • At some point, money is going to have to play into how Scott Brooks hands out minutes to the backcourt. You can understand why Trey Burke is out there. He’s getting paid $3.3 million this season and the team gave up a future second round pick to acquire him. At the same time, Tomas Satoransky is making nearly three times as much as Marcus Thornton, who is playing ahead of him. You have to figure that changes at some point sooner rather than lat. Money talks.
  • The Grizzlies outplayed the Wizards over the final few minutes of regulation and overtime on Sunday, even though the Grizzlies were on the back end of a back-to-back and the Wizards had been off for two days. That isn’t how these things are supposed to work.
  • I call him MarcCohn Morris, because when he was called for traveling on Sunday against the Grizzlies, he was Walking in Memphis.
  • The only redeeming part of Halloween? Fruit-flavored Tootsie Rolls. They’re like Pumpkin Spice Lattes, but worthy of the hype.
  • Folks, it’s pretty clear why Sheldon McClellan has outperformed the other undrafted rookies on this year’s team. Look at them singing Happy Birthday to Tomas Satoransky:

Happy bday to my European brother !!! Czech finest.... @tomasatoransky #memphis #dc #wizFamily rookies duty:)

A video posted by Marcin Gortat (@mgortat13) on

A man who can fearlessly sing and dance in a video they know will be posted online is the kinda guy I want making aggressive drives to the basket.