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21 things I'm afraid will happen if I bring up the Wizards in a casual conversation

Like asking an acquaintance to join you for coffee, bringing up the Wizards for the first time with a casual acquaintance can be a terrifying experience. Here are some of the things I worry about most.

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  1. They'll say "Oh, I only watch the Redskins."
  2. They'll say "Yeah, those Jordan years sure were a disappointment, huh?" and then quickly change the subject.
  3. They'll give me a blank stare like being a fan of the Wizards is a serious waste of time and energy that should make me reevaluate life priorities.
  4. They'll say "Yeah, I read all seven Harry Potter books TWICE."
  5. The person I'm talking to will actually be a Caps fan and they'll spend the next 10 minutes explaining why hockey is way better and would be more popular if ESPN covered it more.
  6. They'll think I'm bringing it up to ask if they want to come to a Wizards game with me.
  7. The person will be from Oklahoma and they'll be very upset about the Kevin Durant stuff.
  8. They'll say "I just don't get why John Wall isn't as good as Kyrie Irving" and then Tony Stark will have to fly in with his Hulkbuster armor to keep me from destroying the town.
  9. The person won't even know the two people in this picture.
  10. The young, bearded man you've been talking Wizards with is actually Matthew Dellavedova.
  11. They'll say they really like that white guy with the mohawk and then quickly change the subject.
  12. They'll say "Wow, I've never met a Wizards fan before!" like I have midi-chlorians in my bloodstream or something. (HT: Lyndie Wood)
  13. The person I'm talking with only watches Maryland basketball and can't figure out why the Wizards have Randy Wittman when Gary Williams is available.
  14. They'll say "Why do you want to talk about Otto Porter's role in the Wizards' offense when there's so much injustice in the world?"
  15. They'll say they're a big fan and then when I ask them about the Gary Neal signing they'll say they like his post game.
  16. That I'll actually die during the awkward silence after I ask a question and my last words would be "Have you ever heard of Kevin Seraphin? He has some funny Vines."
  17. That I'll get excited when they say they're a big basketball fan and they've lived in the D.C. area their whole life but when I ask what their favorite team is, they'll say "Oh, I just root for whichever team LeBron is on."
  18. They'll say "I'm not really into sports" and quickly change the subject.
  19. They'll make some lame joke about how they were cooler when they were the Bullets and quickly change the subject.
  20. That the person will pretend to be really interested only to reveal they write for Fear The Sword and they've been trolling you the last 15 minutes.
  21. The person will find a way to twist your discussion about the Wizards into a debate about which kicker the football team should keep after training camp.