The Wizards are up 2-0 in their series against the Raptors. The team looks great. If their performance holds up, they're on track to face the Hawks, who are suddenly looking susceptible as injuries pile up for their big men. After a season filled with stagnation, suddenly a path to the Eastern Conference Finals is slowly beginning to emerge.
But who has time to talk about that when there's hot Kevin Durant news??? Even if you wanted to talk about the Wizards, the bad cop inside of you, twists your head around and drags you back to your computer to see what's up with Kevin Durant.
If that dark part of your soul dragged you to Google on Wednesday afternoon, then you probably heard that the Thunder fired Scott Brooks after seven years in Oklahoma City. Durant has spent all but one season of his NBA career playing under Brooks, so you can understand by Durant was a bit emotional about Brooks' dismissal. He took to Instagram to express his feelings:
Of course, if you've been following our coverage of the Kevin Durant saga, then you know this is all a front. Here at Bullets Forever, we've used the Kevin Durant Translator (patent pending) to get to the truth behind Kevin Durant's television interviews, Twitter Q&As, and press conferences, among other things. By now, you shouldn't be shocked that there's hidden subtext to Durant's message, but you'll still be SHOCKED by what Kevin Durant really had to say here.
Below is full transcript of the Durant Translator's latest work. Note the words in bold are the words added by the Durant Translator to provide complete context.
Today, like every other day I'm not a Washington Wizard, was tough for me. But today was especially rough, after watching John Wall carve up the Raptors like they were cheap butter in Game 2. And did you see he had 17 assists? Sometimes, you can forget it's possible to have 17 assists in a NBA game when you play alongside Russell Westbrook. Yeah, sure, he had three games with 17 assists this year, but did you notice they all happened while I was injured? Troll move, Russ. Troll move. But where was I? Oh yeah, I gotta talk about OKC's last-ditch move to try to keep me around.
While I support our team's decision to go all out to try and keep me 100 percent, it's still a sad, and futile exercise, like trying to convince me that all the Claritin I've been using the last 7 years is a coincidence. Still, I'll press on and look forward to the upcoming season, which will certainly be my last one here, and try not to think too much about the future in OKC, which looks pretty bleak, not gonna lie.
That said, don't be surprised if I look even pithier and more discontent than normal, because Scotty was my coach and a friend for the past 7 seasons. We accomplished a lot together, especially considering the Thunder refused to pay money to keep James Harden, sold off draft picks, and I really didn't even want to be here once I realized the Wizards were shaping up to be a decent team. Still, winning an MVP was cool, and getting to the Finals that one time was nice, and those times will never be taken away from us. I grew as both a man and a ball player under his guidance and for that I will forever be grateful. I can't wait to grow even more with an accomplished playoff coach like Randy Wittman. I wish nothing but the best for him and his family who have also been such a big part of this city and organization. The good news is, wherever he ends up, his allergies should improve, so he's definitely got that going for him.I know he will be very successful in wherever his next steps in life are, and if he decides to become an assistant in Washington under Randy Wittman, the sky's the limit.
So there you have it. Seems pretty clear Kevin Durant is coming to Washington, but honestly, we're not even sure we want Durant around anymore if he's going to treat people like in such a way. There's crossing over to the dark side, and then there's that. Kevin Durant may be returning home, but he won't be the cuddly, fan-friendly superstar that left a decade ago to play college hoops at Texas.