When the Wizards signed Paul Pierce over the summer, he was expected to bring several things to the team: A Hall of Fame résumé, the ability to create his own shot, and veteran leadership. Pierce's role in Washington is clear cut, but he's never been the type to fit in anyone's mold. Even when it comes to the simple role of mentoring of Otto Porter, he can't do it without exploring the idea of punching him, according to Jackie McMullan:
"Otto is another one who just doesn't understand how good he is,'' Pierce said. "He can shoot, he's a slasher, he can defend, I'm just not sure how badly he wants it every day.
"That kid just needs to get mad. If he came to practice ticked off and to the games ticked off, he'd be fine. But it's hard to get Otto mad. I should punch him one day just to get him riled up.''
Granted, Paul Pierce is probably kidding here (if he's not, he's leaving a long trail of evidence for all of us to follow) but according to CSN Washington's J. Michael, he's not the only one who may not want to see Otto Porter get punched in the face, but wouldn't completely be against it either:
The stuff Pierce says about Otto has been said all year off record. Glad someone said it on record, finally #WizardsTalk @CSNWizards #NBA— J. Michael (@JMichaelCSN) April 14, 2015
A lot of ppl will hate this but Otto doesnt lack confidence b/c of coaching. Its not a talent thing either #WizardsTalk #NBA @CSNWizards— J. Michael (@JMichaelCSN) April 14, 2015
From the day Pierce arrived, Otto has been under his wing. He has been "job shadowing" him #WizardsTalk @CSNWizards #NBA— J. Michael (@JMichaelCSN) April 14, 2015
Back to Otto: Witt has spoken a lot about Otto's lack of aggression. So it's not a major secret. #WizardsTalk @CSNWizards #NBA #WizPacers— J. Michael (@JMichaelCSN) April 15, 2015
But having it come from a vet like Pierce, who says it in a way only he can say it, is a first #WizardsTalk @CSNWizards #NBA #WizPacers— J. Michael (@JMichaelCSN) April 15, 2015
Like it or not, it seems pretty clear the Wizards think Otto Porter is the team's Bruce Banner, and if they anger him enough, he'll rip off his glasses and turn into the Hulk on the basketball court. Since that appears to be the course of actions, we have a few more suggestions of what they can do to get the most out of Porter:
- Have an anonymous caller dial him up every day and say "Hey Otto, have you seen Tony Snell lately? We can't find him anywhere."
- Fog up his goggles before he uses them.
- Play this on loop during practice and force him to listen to it.
- Fill his home with popcorn.
- Have an anonymous texter send him a "Did you get my text?" message every morning at exactly 7:12 AM.
- Disable all the spam filters on his e-mail account.
- Hire Gilbert Arenas as Porter's player development coach, because he'd put him through the same prank regimen he put Nick Young, JaVale McGee and Andray Blatche through in their early years.
- Send him a message with 400 emojis in it.