It's finally that time of year, Wizards fans.
Meaningful basketball may be coming, but it's a mere sideshow, a distraction from the existential pageant of beauty, tragedy, and hand-breaded perfection™ that is the Chick-fil-A Fowl Shot. To help you get excited, I've made a painstakingly documented and professionally edited montage of Fowl Shots from last season. CATCH THE SPIRIT.
"No!" you protest. "I am excited only for the results of the athletic contests and do not much care whether the team's lucrative co-branding opportunity expels fried food into our collective gaping maw!" In this you are but Lucifer, beating his wretched wings and believing this time they'll fly him back to Heaven. The outcomes of basketball games serve only as temporary respites on the unrelenting march from ennui to death. Fowl Shots are the same, but sometimes people get free food.
Deep down you know fans will never freak out like they do when they win free Chick-fil-A. Otto Porter could hit a buzzer-beating three to clinch game seven of the NBA Finals at home over a team made up of LeBron James, the 1980 Soviet hockey team, and the three useful Monstars, and the arena would be maybe 80 percent as loud as when Orlando's third-string center misses two straight fourth quarter free throws in a February blowout in front of 8,027 people.
Join them. Submit to the Fowl Shot. Watch below: