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Wizards vs. Magic Preview: This one's for all the broomsticks

The Wizards descend upon Orlando tonight for a must-win game to maintain favorable playoff seeding. But will the Magic cast a spell on their postseason aspirations? TO THE PREVIEW!

Clive Rose

You know what? I don't think nearly enough fuss is made about the fact that there are TWO teams in the NBA with fantastical names. Not fantastic. Fantastical. The Washington Wizards and Orlando Magic play in the same league, the same conference, the SAME DIVISION, and the only time we hear about the fact that their names are similar are from non-NBA fans who are confused that they aren't the same team.

But that ends right now.

Where and when? The game will be played at 7 P.M. in the Amway Center in Orlando. However, the Amway Center is not actually a real place. In fact, the entirety of downtown Orlando is merely the external appearance of a massive confundus charm cast by Nicholas Flamel in 1933. While the two teams believe they'll be squaring off inside a basketball arena, they'll actually run at one another in the grass of a Quidditch pitch. But shh! Don't tell them. They'll be really disoriented if they know about the charm.

Are they good? No, but this isn't their own fault. For the past two seasons, they've been under the curse of Lord Dwightmort--known locally as "He who shall not be named"--and have expended much energy playing the game, but to no avail. However, there exists a prophecy deep within the Ministry of Magic that portends this curse only lasts a few years until a powerful sorcerer named Draftus Lottericus bestows upon them a savior.

Who's out?Tonight, Gryffindor will be without one or both of their beaters, Nene and Kevin Seraphin. Luckily, their seeker, John Wall will play. Slytherin will have its entire team available.

What are they good at? While Slytherin was a contender for the House Cup just a few years ago, these days Dwightmort curse has kept them from reaching this apex in recent years. As a result, they are good at very little.

What are they bad at? Let's just say, if they were in the Tri-Wizard Tournament, John Wall would be using spare gillyweed to save Maurice Harkless from the bottom of Hogwarts Lake, ya dig?

Who's going to win? Gryffindor The Wizards MUST win tonight to ensure they keep pace with the other teams around them in playoff seeding. Tonight's game will be an important step in that direction, and tomorrow night's game will be crucial as well.