Kevin Durant once again prematurely shot his wad on what supposed to be a dry run, and now he’s got something of a mess on his hands…again.
@BrittMcHenry just wait on it— Kevin Durant (@KDTrey5) October 27, 2014
@AlexKennedyNBA thats actually a lie. She didnt ask me about that, she asked me about shootin a commercial back in my hometown. Get it right— Kevin Durant (@KDTrey5) October 27, 2014
Certainly, you can understand how the first tweet could be taken out of context and how it could lead to the response in that second tweet. But at this point, you would think Kevin Durant should know better than to say something in a way that would hint at returning to D.C. in 2016. He can't even has a press conference about surgery without us taking it out of context for our own enjoyment.
Unfortunately, if the off-season has taught us anything, it’s that Kevin Durant has a way of saying things that adds extra, unnecessary drama to his impending free agency.
And if there's anyone out there that likes to exploit this unnecessary drama for humor, it's us.
He reminds us of Tobias Fünke from Arrested Development. For those of you who haven’t seen the show, Tobias’ character had a knack for phrasing things in such a way that made people question his sexuality almost constantly. For example, he once said "I can already taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth" which, needless to say, isn’t the best way to say you’re excited about being the male lead in a magic show, but it's funny! Here are a few more examples:
Honestly, we feel bad for him and hate to see him struggle like this. Sometimes we just wish we could buy Kevin Durant a tape recorder so he could record himself for a whole day. We think he’d be surprised by some of his phrasing. But then we remembered social media is like a big, omnipresent virtual recorder, tracking everything we say and do, so we’ve done the recording for him, for his benefit and for our LOLing at this whole thing. In addition to yesterday’s drama, here are some of Kevin Durant’s finest Tobias-isms since September:
Just asked @KDTrey5 what he thinks @JohnWall's rating should be on #NBA2K15. "He should be about a 90." #Wizards pic.twitter.com/biyppUrYa6— Abe Schwadron (@abe_squad) September 24, 2014
"Im comin bac like da prodigal son, and I got a son. I dont want my ways followin him, streets swallowin him, I dont want no hollows in him"— Kevin Durant (@KDTrey5) September 27, 2014
I hate you RT @RealStevenAdams: Let's GO @OU_Athletics— Kevin Durant (@KDTrey5) October 11, 2014
Oh, Kevin Durant, you blowhard! Don't leave your BF (Bullets Forever) hanging on these Tobias-isms. We know there's a man inside of you (the one yearning to be a Wizard), and only when he’s finally out, can you walk free of pain.