(Note: If you've never watched Arrested Development, do yourself a favor and watch it before you read this. I don't want to say you shouldn't read this if you haven't watched the show, but I am saying you're going to get bored and confused rather quickly if you don't understand the references. Hey! Just like Arrested Development.)
Like it or not, the last few years the Washington Wizards have been synonymous with dysfunction. Throughout the years, there have been varying levels of goofiness in D.C. and no show can help explain it better than Arrested Development.
The 2011-12 Wizards as Arrested Development characters
Things hit rock bottom in Washington with last year's shenanigans. With things at their worst, it's the best time to draw comparisons to the Bluths.
Gilbert Arenas was George
By the time the 2011-12 season rolled around, Arenas was no longer officially on the team, but the effects of his tenure still were still being felt by the team. The carefree culture Arenas helped instill was still rubbing off on the players he played with, like Nick Young, JaVale McGee and Andray Blatche. Even though the cops put the kibosh on Arenas leading the team, he still knew how to pull the strings behind the scenes.
John Wall was Michael
At times, Michael just seems like the only person in the family keeping the family afloat. He has flaws, like everyone else, but still does his best to manage the chaos that surrounds him. Also, while no one in the family wants to admit it, they're all secretly hoping and praying he never leaves because they know what a disaster it would be without him.
JaVale McGee was Gob
Gob Bluth is the flashy one in the family. At first, his theatrics dazzle you, but then you realize there isn't a whole lot behind what he's doing. Still, he tries his best to make the most of opportunities to show off his talent. Gob used his father's funeral to attempt his most daring trick, which is a lot like pulling off a showboat dunk when your team is 1-11.
Also, they both like to ride around on segways, but you knew that already.
Andray Blatche was Tobias
At first glance, Tobias looks like he should be the most accomplished person in the family, but he never quite seems to live up to his potential. At times you can almost taste those meaty, leading man parts in his mouth. But at the end of the day, he always winds up pursuing things that don't suit his strengths, which hurt him in the long run. And sometimes, you just wish he would go buy himself a tape recorder and record himself for a day because you know he'd be really surprised at some of his phrasing.
Nick Young was Lindsay
All the Bluths were superficial in one way or another, but no one was more superficial than Lindsay.
Jan Vesely was George Michael
George Michael always seemed to have the hardest time adjusting to life with the Bluths. When the time is right, Michael (John Wall) would love to have him take on more responsibility with the company, but for the time being, the banana stand was the ideal place for him.
Rashard Lewis was Buster
Buster was the guy who got a lot of money to do a lot because it was easier to let him run off and do his own thing rather than just admit he wasn't quite up to snuff.
LeBron James was Stan Sitwell
Stan Sitwell represents everything the Bluths aren't, as best evidenced by how much more success he enjoys compared to the Bluths. Stan is also very sensitive about his hair situation.
Explaining Wizards Fanhood through Arrested Development
The Wizards are The Cornballer of Optimism
Every time you want to believe the Wizards are on their way to bigger and better things, something happens to remind you things just aren't meant to be. Whether it's John Wall's latest injury, Gilbert's chronic knee issues, JaVale McGee turning a contract year into a blooper reel or Rod Strickland's pregame hot dog eating, there's always something to remind you that anytime you have hope, it comes back to burn you.
Speaking of injuries, this sums up John Wall's season to date
A season filled with so much hope and joy winds up going through a glass table and hoping no one notices.
Knowing what to expect
In a lot of ways, I feel for Ted Leonsis. He was very clear over the past two seasons that it would all be about rebuilding. No matter how much he tried to warn us things could get ugly, we just couldn't wrap our heads around how bad things would be until we opened the bag and saw it for ourselves.