Amar’e: - when I said, ‘Screw Phoenix anyway.’
D’Antoni: Haha, yeah. Who’s that? Ernie? Why are you wearing a dress?
Grunfeld: Don’t you know a Wizard’s robe when you see one?
Grunfeld: [Whips out a pair of sharpened Bic pens]
YOU! SHALL NOT! PASS!
Aside from EG using his secret method of navigating Moria Square Garden to prevent the Knicks from getting on the court, none of us are overly optimistic about ending the streak at MSG. Even when they’re slumping. After all, Earl Boykins and Keyon Dooling were too much for us … remind me how we handled the Jazz? Yesterday was the 50th Anniversary of JFK’s inaugural address, ‘ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.’ Well, today it’s ‘ask not what the Wizards can do for you, but what you can do for the Wizards.’ Morale has hit rock bottom, so here comes the crazy.
Mike will be hosting SB Nation Radio on 106.7 to discuss this very subject, reading some of the best suggestions from the Washington faithful. For my own, continue on.
Question: Why should I do anything for a Wizard when they can already do magic?
Answer: Because the Magic play in Orlando and Dwight Howard isn’t coming to save us. That just leaves you and me.
Question: But what can I do? I'm just [counting on hands; one] one fan.
Curses have been around for as long as the crazy people who hurl them, but the curses that affect sports franchises are different, in that we can't help but believe in them. Their cures trend from simple to deranged, and while nothing really works like a stack of talent, it doesn't stop us from trying.
I googled 'breaking curses', and it is truly disturbing how much material is available. Methods range from the innocuous to crazy to fangirls discussing whether Elena will be sacrificed to break 'the curse' on the Vampire Diaries.
I considered boycotting FOX until Glee was canceled, but remembered I was already doing that. Protest at your local government representative's office? If you think that sounds illogical, clearly you are not familiar with political protest, but no. Something spectacular, yet free. In between setting myself on fire and growing a road loss beard. Then it hit me. The gods are angry and must be appeased.
It's almost impossible to solve a problem without first understanding it. We've seen the signs. Our entire roster has missed time due to injuries (or DNP-CDs) while DeJuan Blair starts for SA without any ACLs. Dark mojo has surrounded this franchise for years, but what happened at the start of this season to merit divine retribution? One word, ipads. Flip Saunders has brought a plague upon our house, but appears to be immune himself...Typhoid Mary, anyone?
Long has Apple hidden in the shadow of Microsoft's garden variety monopoly on menacing technology giant. Aside from their ridiculous array of accessories (no, I don't want to pay $170.00 USD for an Ergotron MX Desk Mount LCD Arm...yet I can imagine a scenario in which it is practical...), their logo is an apple. Garden of Eden, hello!
There is only one rational solution. Smash your iPhones. Toss your iPods in the fish tank. Drop your iPad from a height of two centimeters. Trade your iMac for a big Mac. But before you do, upload the video evidence of your purging onto YouTube, so the Wiz understand what you do for them. And then, maybe, we'll all get flown to Miami.