Note: this is a periodic sponsored post on how technology enhances one's NBA viewing experience. Unfortunately, because the Wizards were so awful last night, the real value of technology was that it prevented me from doing far worse things to actual objects and people. Today's edition of the "Enhance Your Experience" series touches on what might have been if not for Twitter and our game thread. -Mike
There are all sorts of ways that technology enhanced my NBA viewing experience. Sometimes, it's as simple as giving me the ability to watch other teams on NBA League Pass. Sometimes, it's being able to watch videos after the fact.
But usually, it's because technology gives me a place to vent my thoughts, either in our game threads or on Twitter. That, in turn, prevents me from doing one of two things: pissing off my roomate and smashing things in my apartment. Games like last night are nights where I'm thankful I have technology as a sounding board and can easily connect to so many other fans who are as frustrated as I am.
But what if the computer didn't exist, and I was forced to express my thoughts in real life rather than virtually? What would happen then? Here's my best guess.
It's 7:30 p.m., and I've just finished eating way too much pizza. Pizza, even before technology existed, is the one kind of food that's easy. Even though I am fully capable of taking out a pot and making some pasta (and that's about it), I want my mind centered on one thing. I don't want to think about food, laundry, dishes or anything else. I want to think about basketball. So I order some pizza and take out a Sam Adams, because nothing says basketball like a beer that harkens back to colonial Boston.
My roomate comes popping in from a long day of work. He sits down next to me at the table and asks me why I seem so excited. I glare at him, wondering how any D.C. resident could be dumb enough to not realize the gravity of the situation. "Oh, I don't know," I say. "You tell me." Legitimately stumped, he asks again. This time, I raise my voice, start shouting about why John Wall has the potential to change the entire city, lift up the Washington Monument, spin a ball around it and then put it back down ... or something like that. Eventually, I start rolling about how Wall will make the Wizards more popular than the Redskins, but by now, my roomate has already packed a night bag and gone back to his parents' house to sleep over.
I then come to my senses, only to find that the game has already started. I'm a few beers deep, so all I can see is that the Wizards have way fewer points than the Magic. Stunned, I grab the pizza box and start sketching an offensive set that can get the Wizards back into the game. The problem is that, because I'm angry and drunk, I press way too hard on the box, and it breaks. Frustrated, I start punching the box, because it already has a hole anyway, then toss it to the side.
The problem is that I toss the box right onto the beer I'm drinking. The beer falls to the floor, spills all over the carpet, and magically shatters. Annoyed that the Wizards are playing terribly, and annoyed that I now have shattered glass all over my floor, I start cursing at the top of my lungs. Unfortunately, my window is open, so everyone living near me hears it.
Someone eventually files a noise complaint. The front-desk person walks up into the room and knocks softly on the door. I barely hear them. They knock louder, and I hear it. Still pissed, I answer the door.
"What's going on?" he says. "Someone complained that you're being too loud."
"TOO LOUD?" I say. "TOO LOUD?"
I then start ranting about JaVale McGee's missed rotation, Andray Blatche's awful shot selection and the whole team's inability to guard anyone. I'm really rolling now. But as I'm in mid-sentence saying how awful this is for John Wall, he suddenly stops me.
"I don't care. I'm calling the cops."
Twenty minutes later, the cops showed up and issued me a citation for disturbing the peace.
Without technology, the Wizards' performance last night would have left me with a broken glass, a beer spill, a pissed off roomate, pissed off neighbors, a broken pizza box and something on my criminal record. Thank you, technology, for making sure that didn't happen.