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Wizards New Math

I'm not sure if any of you have seen the site More New Math, it's a site dedicated to expressing truths about life as math equations.  To this day, this is still my favorite:


The concept got me thinking about doing some equations for the Wizards roster.  After dusting off my old math book and abacus, here's what I came up with.

Gilbert Arenas = A contract worth a pretty penny + A knee that might belong to Penny

Andray Blatche = Tall enough to be a center - Thinks he's a point guard

Caron Butler = Great guy every team could use + Can't do it by himself

Javaris Crittenton = Has a solid FG% + Doesn't take any jump shots

Juan Dixon = Had a great career at Maryland / You can't stay in college forever

Brendan Haywood = Good interior defender x No one else on the team is good at it.

Mike James = Used to be pretty good in 2004 + That was 5 years ago

Antawn Jamison = Great guy every team could use + Can't do it by himself

JaVale McGee = Blocks everything - Sometimes they call that "goaltending"

Dominic McGuire = Does everything well - Scoring

Oleksiy Pecherov = I get buckets, son

Darius Songaila = Mehmet Okur - 3 inches of height - 3 feet of shooting range

DeShawn Stevenson = Shot 31.2% from the field this year + Good at lip-syncing

Etan Thomas = (Poet + Activist) / ($7 Million a year + Big Trade Kicker)

Nick Young = Kobe Bryant's game + Jamal Crawford's effectiveness