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Romance on the Hardwood!



"Come Away With Me" by Norah Jones

Caron: So how are you liking Phoenix?
It's alright.  The weather is nice, but it doesn't make up for being so far away from all the people that I care about.
Caron: Like me?
Shaq: Like you.

[awkward silence]

Shaq: So when are you coming to visit me?
Caron: I don't know. I know I'll be out there at the end of March, but that's strictly a business trip.
Shaq: It's always about work with you isn't it?
Caron: Shaq, don't do this...
Shaq: No, I am going to do this! All you ever talk about is your stupid job. Work this and work that.
Caron: Now Shaq, you know that's not true.
Shaq: It is! Why don't you just marry your work? I think you'd be happier that way.
Caron: Shaq, please. You're making a scene.

[awkward silence]

Caron: I like that new outfit of yours. It's very slimming.
Shaq: Are you saying I look fat?
Caron: No! It's just tha-
Shaq: Don't try to cover it up! You think I'm fat! You're just trying to protect my feelings!
Caron: No, no, no. I was just saying that outfit made you look even slimmer than normal.
Shaq: You think I look...slim?
Caron: Of course! You know my policy with big people.
Shaq: Aww...

[awkward silence]

Shaq: So why do we have to do this?
Caron: Do what?
Shaq: All of this traveling to see each other!
Caron: You know the answer to that.
Shaq: I know the answer, but it doesn't make any sense. There's nothing here for you, can't you see that? All this job is doing is stressing you out and it's not even worth the money! Why don't you just come back home with me and we can start a new life together?
Caron: Shaq, don't do this. You know it doesn't work like that. I can't just pick up everything and leave.
Shaq: Well, one day you're going to realize how silly this whole thing is and when you do, you better call me. Do we have a deal?
Caron: Yeah, we have a deal.
Shaq: Alright, well I've gotta get going back. I'll call you when I touch down.
Caron: Sounds good.
Shaq: Just remember, once you go Shaq you never go back.

Note: Long-time blog readers might remember "Romance of the Hardwood" as a running joke by J.E. Skeets (the man behind The Basketball Jones and Ball Don't LIe) who would take pictures of players who looked like they were caught in a romantic moment and set up an imaginary dialogue around the picture.  You can see an example here.