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DerMarr vs. Juan: The 15th roster spot whackout

[Editor's Note: I know there's been a little angst that we've spent too much time on this, but I'd already spent too much time on this to go back, so if you're tired of this discussion, just scroll on through and accept my deepest apologies.]

Earlier this week,  Mike took a look at the more important side of the battle for the last roster spot: The stats, how they can contribute to the team, and all that fun stuff.  Certainly, that's the most important issue here, but let's not forget those little things that don't show up in the boxscore that can shape how we see a player, things like hairstyles and quotability.

Category DerMarr Juan Advantage
Hairstyles Evidence A Evidence B DerMarr
Nickname Boss Slim The only one that I've been able to find ends with "your mouth" and I probably shouldn't repeat it. Boss Slim DerMarr
Claim to fame Was a top 10 pick in the 2000 draft along with such renowned names Kenyon Martin, Stromile Swift, Darius Miles, Marcus Fizer, Mike Miller, Chris Mihm, Jamal Crawford, Joel Pryzbilla, and Keyon Dooling. Named Most Outstanding Player in the 2002 NCAA Tournament as he led Maryland to the championship. Juan
How they would interact with Oleksiy Pecherov I could see DerMarr and Pech forming a very strong relationship, sitting together at the end of the bench.  They seem like guys that could get along well under the right circumstances.  The keywords being "right circumstances". Undoubtedly he'd be cordial to him in person, but he strikes me as a guy that would complain about him to his wife.  I'd like to point out I have no factual basis for what I just said, but it just seems like something that could happen. Push
Headline you would see in a best case scenario Johnson's Production off the Bench Keeps Team Afloat Dixon's Hot Shooting Off Bench Leads Wizards to Key Win DerMarr
Headline you would see in a worst case scenario Blatche, Johnson Arrested for the Second Time in a Week Forwards, Centers Forget What Ball Looks Like After Dixon, Young Take Ever Shot in 124-16 Loss to Minnesota Juan
Number of times broadcasters bring up fond memories of their college days 0 750,000,000 Juan
Hometown Washington D.C. Baltimore, MD DerMarr
Honored by We Rite Goode? No Yes! Juan
Record against Mike Dunleavy Jr. Embarrassing Could've been better, but at least he didn't get embarrassed like that. Juan
Can he dunk on Theo Ratliff? Yes! Not exactly DerMarr

In the breakdown, Juan and DerMarr each end up with winning 4 categories in this completely meaningless exercise. 

So where do we go for the tiebreaker?  Monumental Air '09!  Ask yourself which player is more capable of setting up a nifty alley-oop.  For me, the answer is clear: