No one does it better than Clyde.
Aside from the whole Wizards winning, easily the best storyline this season has to be the ongoing bet between DeShawn Stevenson and Drew Gooden over who can go longer without shaving which has unlimited comedic potential. SLAM is taking Gooden in this gruffy battle and of course Bog and Fear the Beard are siding with Mister 50. Before you place your bets in this epic wager, let's take a look at the tale of the tape:
Education
Stevenson: Left for the NBA straight out of high school
Gooden: Spent three years at Kansas, home of such noted scholars as Jacque Vaughn and Scot Pollard
Advantage: Push
NBA Draft Position
Stevenson: 23rd in 2000
Gooden: 4th in 2001
Advantage: Gooden
Journeyman-like ways
Stevenson: Played with Utah, Orlando, and Washington
Gooden: Played with Memphis, Orlando, and Cleveland
Advantage: Push
Notable Quotables
Stevenson: "4 U Slow Ppl 10 Thousand Dollars 2 The First Muthaf*cker Get Me The Contact 4 Her!!!!!!! Before My Ppl Get The Number They Moving 2 Slow 4 Me So Holla At Yo Boy If U Need That 10,000 Grand!!!!!!!!!" (Stevenson claims he didn't write that)
Gooden: "LOL! U know I always got something up my sleeve!"
Advantage: Stevenson. C'mon Drew, LOL? Did you go to a Hannah Montana concert or something?
Claim to fame
Stevenson: Shot over 50% from the field for almost two weeks.
Gooden: Was the guy that scored the other point when LeBron scored 29 of the final 30 points in Game 5 against Detroit.
Advantage: Stevenson. If Anderson Varejao could've done it, it's not that impressive.
Most famous person with same last name
Stevenson: Robert Louis Stevenson
Gooden: Dwight Gooden
Advantage: Gooden
Other Hair Forays
Stevenson: The Frohawk
Gooden: The Ducktail
Advantage: Gooden, and it's not even close
Reason they'll most likely end up shaving the beard
Stevenson: The constant weight of the beard causes him to lose sensation on his cheeks. In other words, because he can't feel his face.
Gooden: He'll find a shiny quarter on the ground and decide to rock the George Washington look, completely forgetting about the wager until he's half-done. Jaded about losing the contest, he'll forget to finish shaving and he'll sport a half-beard for the rest of the season.
Advantage: Stevenson, because deep down inside you know that Gooden is going to shave half of his beard for that exact reason.
Final Verdict
Call me a homer, but I think DeShawn has far superior beard growing swag, not to mention he's far less likely to succumb to peer pressure.