Yo. Close ur eyes and gaze into the future. It's a new Nenenenera. Ted loves money and we hate being called the 'Wizards'... and the 'Bullets' died with da Hibachi finga gunz. Let's sell the naming rights of the team to Stephen Spielberg and the Warner Bros. so our young swag squad can become the Washington Goonies. It's a new Nenera, and we're the greatest group of young NBA swashbucklaz ever. Just think about it:

Mikey = John Wall

Mouth = Jordan Crawford

Data = Jan Vesely

Chunk = Andre Blatche Trevor Booker

Brand = MONEY MA$$$$E

Sloth = Nene

The Wizard Girls will become the Goonie Girls and they'll all do the truffle shuffle at half-time.

G-Wiz will become One-Eyed Willie, a skeleton pirate with an eyepatch and a parrot named JaVale.

Forget Philnate D'anMcJacksomillan – American film director Richard Donner will be our new head coach.

The hardcore fan seats in da Phonebooth will be called the Goon Docks.

And finally: the red, white, and blue jerseys are swagless... If we want to follow the 'Thunder Plan,' we need a NEW identity. The Washington Goonies will wear solid 24k gold jerseys with ruby accents.

And Ted can sell Goonies DVDs in the gift shop, put WB logos on our jerseys, and take showers in liquified dolla billz.

$$$ The Future $$$