Questions a Small Child Might Ask Of the Washington Wizards

It is very likely that somewhere within the empty confines of Wells Fargo Center a lucky young 76ers fan got to see their first NBA game tonight. Like any young tyke, he or she probably pestered their parents with a variety of questions that may seem obvious to a jaded adult, but helped the precocious young mind learn about the great game that is NBA basketball.

Question #1 - Mother/Father, why is the red team standing around so much?

Answer - Well young sir/miss, we are playing the Washington Wizards tonight and they have no understanding of how to run an offense. Normally, when your team has the ball, you want the players to consistently move so that they can shoot the ball without two of the 76ers draped all over them. My suspicion is that the Wizards have a degree of difficulty bet going on in the locker room, and the player who takes the most contested shots wins the pot at the end of the night.

Question #2 - Should the red team be trying to put the ball in the basket?

Answer - Yes, that is normally considered the point of the game. But the Wizards don't have any real shooters, which is a strange roster construction issue that has never been addressed by the silly people who own and operate the Wizards. Luckily for us, we get to play them again tomorrow night, which means more wins for us!

Question #3 - Parental Unit, did #23 descend from space to teach us all the meaning of basketball?

Answer - That my child, is Lou Williams who was sent by aliens on a special mission to destroy the Washington Wizards. No one is quite sure why he only emerges 3-4 times a years to go about his appointed tasks, but the destructive rampage is witnessed by all in awe.

Question #4 - Why does Mr. #2 look so unhappy?

Answer - Well that right there is former #1 pick John Wall who looks like he has been sentenced to a life sentence. You know, it was conjectured at one point that Jrue Holiday was extremely worried that the 76ers would get the first pick in the draft and be replaced by Wall. Now, as you can see, Jrue has learned to run an extremely effective pick and roll while young Mr. Wall can only drive towards the basket in a frantic manner.

Question #5- Why is the extremely tall man taking shots from out there?

Answer - I...I just don't know. There really isn't answer for that.

Question #6 - Why would you be a Wizards fan? (Asked with exasperated lack of understanding)

Answer - Loyalty and a strong capacity for punishment and self-hatred? Come on youngster, lets go buy you that Evan Turner jersey you have been asking for.

Editor's note - So yeah, that happened. You know a game is bad when Buckhantz reserves his excited voice for "the Wizards have cut the lead to 16!"

I'll be at the game tomorrow with both my microphone and capacity for childlike wonder hopefully recharged.

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