"A tale of Two Cities"
(and two franchises)
The Wizards have one of the worst seasons not only in
franchise history but in the history of franchises!
- Long-time owner Abe Pollin ( a good man) dies.
- We lose our star player Gilbert Arenas for the season to a gun scandal that rocks the NBA.
- The fallout leads to the loss of the other 3 star players and the total dismantling of the team.
- The captain and most liked player on the team (Antawn Jamison) gets traded to the hated Cavaliers (making him the first ever person who's excited to move to Cleveland) for not much and a bowl of oatmeal.
- The team finishes in 2nd to LAST place when expectations were high entering the season that the team was playoff bound.
and earlier to the Wiz-mess , the arch-nemesis Cleveland Cavaliers acquire Shaq-Fu who says he's there to "Win a Ring for the King". LeCrabDribble doesn't like Shaq's deoderant, but oh well...
Cav's finish with the best record in the NBA and are looking good to return to the NBA finals and deliver the first championship to the "Mistake on the Lake" since the Jurassic Period.
Wizards and Cav's.....Two teams that couldn't possibly have been headed in more opposite directions from each other. But wait......,
now for the IRONY!
- Cleveland exits the NBA playoffs early and is an extreme disappointment to fans, ownership and most importantly............to LeCrabDribble.
The Cavaliers fire coach Mike Brown after failing to go to the finals; thus finally answering the UPS's question, "What can Brown do for you?"
- LeCrabDribble (aka: the saviour of the "mistake on the lake") leads everyone to believe Cleveland is still his first choice and the front-runner upon entering free agency.
- LeCrabDribble (in true superhero fashion) claims he's not signing with any team. He's going to stop the oil spill by clogging BP's broken pipe with his ego.
- Kobe shows the world that not only can he win without The Diesel, but he can do it 2 times in a row without Shaquilla and also that the "so-called": and "self-named" KING... LeCrabDribble can't do it at all, even with the help of a healthy Superman.
- LeCrabDribble utterly humiliates the Cavs on national TV with an overly dramatic one hour ESPN special called "THE DECISION" in which LeDoubleDribble's associates sell massive AD space and finally announces the pre-leaked news that everyone knew that he's taking his skills and HUGE EGO to South Beach where he plans to join up with Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade to form what will now be known now as the Three Am-EGO's.
LeCrabDribble pretty much admits that all along he was plotting to leave Cleveland and his beloved yet naive fans and form a super-team of super-hero's in a warm, hip multicultural resort city with white sand beaches and mostly topless babes..
You know the saying: "if you can't take the Heat, join them".
- Cav's fans burn LeCrabDribble jerseys in the streets of Cleveland
- The highly pissed-off and clueless owner of the Cav's (Dan Gilbert) against the advice of his own team's media dept., publishes what may be one of the most embarrassing letters in the history of any franchise in any sport and certainly in the history of Cleveland a town where women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see the reflections of their underwear...also true fact!! .
- The "all-knowing all-powerful" commissioner of the NBA ( David Stern), doesn't think too highly of this letter and fines Gilbert a cool 100K to add insult to injury and keep Jesse Jackson happy..
- Big Z is recruited by LeCrabDribble and leaves the Cav's to take his skills to South Beach too.
(who may have had sex with LeCrabDribble's mom) and his once promising career continue to implode as he pleads guilty to weapons charges in Maryland. "Wonder what punishment the Commish has in mind for him?" I say uses the precedent that he set and that he gets what Gilbert Arenas got.
- A series of awesome T-Shirt designs begin to appear on the market.
but then, meanwhile.......back in the Nation's Capital.
- The Wizards masterfully trade away expensive assets and acquire multiple young prospects and expiring contracts.
- The Wizards win the lottery and get the first pick in the NBA draft.
- The Wizards use the pick to pick by far the best player available (John Wall) and maybe the best point guard prospect to come out of the draft in many a year.
- The Wizards finalize the change of ownership to the very capable hands of Internet Pioneer, Sports Owner and all-around good-guy Ted Leonsis who vows to put the Wiz on the same winning path as the Capitals.
- The Wizards get multiple promising picks in the draft and make under-the-radar trades to acquire more prospects and continue to re-build the team for future flexibility, youth, speed, height, defense and chemistry.
- Wall show's everyone why he was the first pick by dominating in summer league...(so far ) and by being an unselfish and all-around class act.
- Agent Zero loses the Zero and becomes Agent ? Then claims he'll be back better than ever and will do whatever the team asks of him including not playing with guns but excluding defecating in teammate's shoes.