5. Washington Wizards (10.3%)
Scheduled to appear: Irene Pollin.
Should be in her place?: A rotating cadre of men who did her late husband wrong.

A bunch of them are veterans of the lottery process as is. Mrs. Pollin, wife of the late Wizards owner Abe Pollin, had to sit idly by while the longtime Washington owner trusted a series of basketball ne'er-do-wells, including Wes Unseld, Michael Jordan, Ernie Grunfeld, Gilbert Arenas, Kwame Brown and Eddie Jordan.

All are available (save for M.J., with that whole "gotta-make-the-car-for-the-people" thing) and all should be forced to have the team's year-by-year odds at getting the No. 1 pick (usually quite high) read aloud to them in a backroom of a Shoney's in Secaucus while snippets from Pagliacci are played in the background.