Wizards New Math
I'm not sure if any of you have seen the site More New Math, it's a site dedicated to expressing truths about life as math equations. To this day, this is still my favorite:
The concept got me thinking about doing some equations for the Wizards roster. After dusting off my old math book and abacus, here's what I came up with.
Gilbert Arenas = A contract worth a pretty penny + A knee that might belong to Penny
Andray Blatche = Tall enough to be a center - Thinks he's a point guard
Caron Butler = Great guy every team could use + Can't do it by himself
Javaris Crittenton = Has a solid FG% + Doesn't take any jump shots
Juan Dixon = Had a great career at Maryland / You can't stay in college forever
Brendan Haywood = Good interior defender x No one else on the team is good at it.
Mike James = Used to be pretty good in 2004 + That was 5 years ago
Antawn Jamison = Great guy every team could use + Can't do it by himself
JaVale McGee = Blocks everything - Sometimes they call that "goaltending"
Dominic McGuire = Does everything well - Scoring
Oleksiy Pecherov = I get buckets, son
Darius Songaila = Mehmet Okur - 3 inches of height - 3 feet of shooting range
DeShawn Stevenson = Shot 31.2% from the field this year + Good at lip-syncing
Etan Thomas = (Poet + Activist) / ($7 Million a year + Big Trade Kicker)
Nick Young = Kobe Bryant's game + Jamal Crawford's effectiveness
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Now this is fun!
A couple of revisions and one addition:
Oleksiy Pecherov = I get buckets, son + So does my man
JaVale McGee = Blocks nearly everything + Tries to block everything
Eddie Jordan = Offense – Defense
The Eddie Jordan one is my favorite
You know you'll get devoured by Cheaney, Wallace, and Juwan Howard.
more
Antawn Jamison = Warrior + Who blames everyone else
Caron Butler = Tough, hard hat player – Who thinks he’s Kobe
Excellent!
JaVale McGee = Unbelievable athleticism – the necessary experience
Andray Blatche = Ridiculous talent + Ridiculous lack of common sense
Oleksiy Pecherov = I get buckets son + I get rebounds son
Ed Tapscott = Palace of Good Play + Palace of Goofy Coaching Decisions
Ernie Grunfeld = One great trade + playoff disappointment + Abe Pollin = 21st century David Poile
"Would you like to shoot me now or wait till you get home." --- Daffy Duck
by George Templeton on May 6, 2009 12:49 PM EDT up reply actions
Nick Young
Young = Kobe’s game – Kobe’s heart + personality
Jake's blog entry made my day
JaVale McGee = .75 x (Pam McGee – X chromosome + Y chromosome)
Nick Young = Steve Urkel + 6 inches + a fadeaway jumpshot
on a roll everyone
Darius Songaila = Hoop Smarts – Vertical Lift
Andray Blatche = Vertical Lift – Hoop Smarts
Ernie Grunfeld = Was on Bernard King’s college team – Has no Bernard King on this team
JaVale McGee = May surpass his Mom’s WNBA achievements – Has already surpassed his Dad’s NBA achievements

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