I'm not sure if any of you have seen the site More New Math, it's a site dedicated to expressing truths about life as math equations. To this day, this is still my favorite:
The concept got me thinking about doing some equations for the Wizards roster. After dusting off my old math book and abacus, here's what I came up with.
Gilbert Arenas = A contract worth a pretty penny + A knee that might belong to Penny
Andray Blatche = Tall enough to be a center - Thinks he's a point guard
Caron Butler = Great guy every team could use + Can't do it by himself
Javaris Crittenton = Has a solid FG% + Doesn't take any jump shots
Juan Dixon = Had a great career at Maryland / You can't stay in college forever
Brendan Haywood = Good interior defender x No one else on the team is good at it.
Mike James = Used to be pretty good in 2004 + That was 5 years ago
Antawn Jamison = Great guy every team could use + Can't do it by himself
JaVale McGee = Blocks everything - Sometimes they call that "goaltending"
Dominic McGuire = Does everything well - Scoring
Oleksiy Pecherov = I get buckets, son
Darius Songaila = Mehmet Okur - 3 inches of height - 3 feet of shooting range
DeShawn Stevenson = Shot 31.2% from the field this year + Good at lip-syncing
Etan Thomas = (Poet + Activist) / ($7 Million a year + Big Trade Kicker)
Nick Young = Kobe Bryant's game + Jamal Crawford's effectiveness