(Note: The following story is completely and utterly fake, treat it accordingly. -Jake)
WASHINGTON D.C.- Wizards general manager Ernie Grunfeld announced today that power forwards Darius Songaila and 2006 1st round draft pick Olekisy Pecherov would be merged into a single entity known as Darekisy Songailerov. "Hopefully, this will help prevent any confusion for our fans as we get ready to start the season" said Grunfeld.
After a lengthy discussion with the press on how to pronounce Songailerov's name, Grunfeld went on to announce several other key details of the merge. The first announcement was that the new merged player would officially be known as a native of Belarus, a heritage that neither the Lithuanian Songaila or the Ukranian Pecherov claimed. Grunfeld noted "We didn't want to show preference to one player's heritage over the other so we decided that it would be easiest to meet in the middle and declare his nationality as Belarussian." The 25 year old, 6'10" 242 lb. forward-center will also wear the number 12.5, halfway between the numbers the two players formerly wore.
When asked why a change was so necessary just to keep from having two similar looking players on the court, Grunfeld explained that the move was made not only to avoid confusion but a strategic move as well. "For us, it didn't make much sense to keep two players that more or less have the same skill set and play in much the same way. By doing this we not only save money but we also open up another roster spot to sign an experienced player to come off the bench for us."
When asked who Grunfeld might pursue with the additional spot, he replied "I'm looking into signing a veteran who knows and understands our system and can produce off the bench, I think someone like Jarvis Hayes fits the bill for us." After a moment of awkward silence Grunfeld yelled out "Psyche!" and the reporters at the press conference shared a good chuckle.