The "Malone and Malone of DC blogging!!!" Interview


Wizznutzz & Bullets Forever: Taking down their 80's opponents one game at a time.

No self-respecting Wizards fan who knows anything about the internet can say that they haven't heard of Wizznutzz.  One of the longest running sports blogs out there, Wizznutzz has become one of the most humorous and well liked blogs out there thanks to their unique writing style.  Probably their most greatest moment came when they coined Gilbert Arenas' Agent Zero nickname, which is now well known by those both in and out of the blogosphere.  Recently, I was fortunate enought to get a chance to interview Darvin of the Wizznutzz and talk about the site, the store, and talk a little Wizards basketball.  Here's what he had to say...

Bullets Forever: Let's start off with some background info for everyone, why don't you tell us a little bit about how Wizznutzz got started?

Wizznutzz: We were one of the first sports blogs when we started in 2002 . We started with nothing but a used Colecovision, a pair of Greg Ballard gameworn shorts, and a dream. Now we have blown up world famous. Our incites are the talk of NBA lockerrooms. We eat waffles with Gilbert Arenas Senior. And thanks to our Ike Austin CheeseBoot(TM), millions of Guatemalan children are now getting the nutrition they need.  But the Wizznutzz origins can actually be traced back to Halloween night, 1997, when three young men took some fake beards and some medicine and made a road trip to Auburn Hills, Michigan to see the first ever Washington Wizards game. Dressed from head to toe in homemade wizards costumes, these men thought they might get on TV, but all they got was angry chants of "Get the gnomes!!!!" and Mitch Albom's phone number.

Bullets Forever: Now, let's say you were trapped on a desert island and you could only read 7 blogs, what would they be?

Wizznutzz: Number one without a doubt would have to be the DC Sports Bog. Agent Steinz is the greatest. Our blogs are so similar sometimes but also very different, like how he gets paid to write smart things and hang out all day with celebrities while we live in the back room of a Circuit City.

Also number one without a doubt is Gilbert Arenas' blog. He is most definitely gonzo. He doesn't even write it with his own hands. He writes it with his brain.

We don't read blogs very much but we hear that  some good ones are Deadspinner, HoopTruth, Don Shanoff, Chauncey Billups Blog, KSK, Jamie Mottram's 'Diaries of a Machosensual', The Wayward O, Thighs Wide Shut, Can't Stop the Bleeding and many more.

We also love Lisa Welchel's blog. It's called "Coffee Talk" so we thought it was going to have stories about seeing Tootie naked but it doesn't but it's still good.

Bullets Forever: Again sticking with the hypothetical, let's say that you're hosting a small, Mexican-themed, potluck dinner and you could invite 5 Wizards/Bullets past or present, who would you pick and why?

Wizznutzz: This is fun game we play a lot at our offices except in our game the dinner also has a big bowl by the door that all our favorite Bullets player put their keys in.

We would have God Shammgod to bring the music and so we would could say things like  "How are the pom noisettes, God?"
We would have Andrew Gaze to tell us stories about Australian things like sunburn and to warm bread in his pouch.
We would have Llorenzo Williams to park the cars.
We would have Rod Strickland because of the things he can do with a prized Iberian half smoke.
We would have Gheorge Muresan to serve dessert in his official capacity as "Sweet Ambassador".
We would have Kwame Brown so Jimmy Oliver wouldn't be by himself at the kid's table.
We would have Jimmy Oliver to cut Kwame's meat.
We would have former Bullet Stan Love to roll joints and make out with Susan O'Malley.
We would have Agent Zero to admire the whole thing from his couch.

Is that five?

Bullets Forever: Wizznutzz has a large fan base of Wizards and non-Wizards fans alike, thanks in large part to your unmatchable sense of humor, where do you get the ideas inspiration for your great posts from?

Wizznutzz: We go into the "mothering hut", which is an auto-sadism chamber we bought from a guy called Heinrich in Newark. We got it to discipline our interns. In the hut we have matted animal hair, duct tape, Capris Sun and vodka, various cilice belts, a giant Romanian ham we purchased at Gheorghe Muresan's estate sale, a  Nils Lofgren mixtape, Ty Lue's body, and a self-composting toilet. 3 days later we come out and we come out with incites. It's just that simple.

Bullets Forever: Speaking of the Mothering Hut, your store has been a huge hit, getting featured in quite a few places. Take us through the process of making a T-Shirt for your store.

Wizznutzz: We used to only sell "Jahidi White Intimates". Nothing says "forever" like Jahidi's face on your woman's panties, right? Then we found out that some guys were collecting them as trophies and while we don't condone this kind of behaviour, we knew we were onto something. Coming up with ideas is pretty easy. It turns out there is a thriving need for loud, obscure sports fashion. It's nice making some extra money, but seeing little inner-kids wearing "SILENCE = BACON" shirts is its own reward.

Bullets Forever: Recently Jaarko had quite the experience this spring as he got to watch the Wizards in the playoffs along with Dan Steinberg, Jamie Mottram, Dan Shanoff, and Unsilent Majority. Did he have any good stories from that trip?

Wizznutzz: It was a great trip. It was great for Jaarko to meet all those heroes of his. He said that they were all really friendly and helped show him American customs like "buying for them drinks and buying for them parking  and buying for them petrol and buying for them vagina" .  He also said Unsilent Majority is much more naked in person!

Bullets Forever: Finally, the start of the Wizards' season is about one month away, do you have any predictions for this season?

Wizznutzz: I don't know if the Wizards got better this offseason but they got funnier. Ernie Grunfeld knows comedy. He's like a manager from the 60s Catskills summer club-circuit. The Arenas/Young chemistry is gonna crackle. It's gonna be like  JJ and Wilona alll over again. We have our own season preview coming out soon, so I can't tell you too much now, but I can guarantee one of the two following things will happen this season: Michael Ruffin will win the MVP or Big Oily will lose his virginity.

Many, many, many thanks to Darvin of Wizznutzz for his willingness to do this interview and his great "incites" throughout.  I know everyone at Bullets Forever appreciates the great stuff that comes from Wizznutzz and can't wait to see what great things will continue to come from their amazing site.

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